I suppose the follow-up to “World War Z” would be a ZzzQuil.
My country cousin, Twavis Twit, and his bluegrass band, Ear Juice, asked me for some song ideas the other day. I came up with these:
Stop Scrapin’ the Scab Off My Healin’ Heart, Honey
Hardheaded Against Hard Hearts
I’d Rather Be a Recluse Than Be a Loose Wreck
The Angels Wanna Wear My Blue Suede Shoes
A robotics researcher named Wally
Built a robot bombshell he dubbed “Dolly”
With a bountiful baud;
But his jealous wife, Maud,
Removed baud-y bits, now it’s “Ollie.”
Then to make Wally jealous, Maud bought
A robot called “Rod Megawatt.”
She’s so hot for her Rod,
Wally queried of Maud:
"Just what hath Rod got that I’ve not?!"
Friday’s Child in a Wednesday World.
I seized the day, but it struggled free and slapped me in the face.
Like lemmings happy to Rush out on a Limbaugh…humbug!
They bought the whole nine yards from bolts of whole cloth.
Earthworm movement against grassroots organization is underfoot!
The following was written in the mid-’80s and has been published a few places, including the maiden issue of “Light,” a magazine of light verse and humor [alongside a contribution by none other than John Updike!).
An alternative subtitle for this multi-stanza limerick is “Boning Up on Your Shakespeare,” which is better understood after you read it.
BALLAD OF THE BARD (or, “Will Hath-not-a-way with Anne”)
Will’s newlywed wife was distraught,
So A LOVER’S COMPLAINT she upbrought:
“I do WHAT YOU WILL,
AS YOU LIKE IT and still
Thy rod and Falstaff comfort naught.”
"If thy MEASURE FOR MEASURE’s oblique,
'Tis thy four plays before that be weak
‘Spite a fine frontispiece
For the RAPE OF LUCRECE.”
Then she brought his bare bodkin to cheek.
"To be or to not!" she did scream.
All the HAMLET could hear it would seem:
“A pill of grim passion
Is not what I fashion
To be A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM!”
Their TWELFTH NIGHT of marriage drew nigh:
"Something Moor," said dear Anne with a sigh.
“If thou shew me the skill
Thou possesseth with quill,
What a merry young wife would be I!”